Jesus Wept

The shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35) fills me with hope. You see, I'm a weeper, and I'm glad to know that Jesus was a weeper too. Perhaps it is merely hormonal. Perhaps it is that as I enter the crone stage of my life, I have learned that the most important things in life revolve around love and connection to others. Perhaps it is because my compassion tank got bigger as my life experiences have gotten more difficult at times. I have experienced times of great sorrow and great pain, which at times has led to deep loneliness. But even those times of deep loneliness eventually turned to an awareness of a great Presence. That Presence wasn't talking. Not even in a still small voice. That Presence was simply there, bearing witness to my suffering. The Presence wasn't trying to hide the pain, discomfort, or despair. The Presence was simply there with every shallow breath, every sharp intake of pain, every excruciating moment of loss. There was no pretense that suffering was easy or "for the best."

I suspect in the midst of his agony on the cross, Jesus felt the acuteness of his suffering. We are told in Matthew 27 that he expressed this feeling of abandonment when he uttered the words, "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" This is translated by the gospel writer to mean, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" A short time later, Jesus cried out and "yielded up his spirit." In other words, he let go of his physical being and died. I would like to believe that in those tense moments when those nearby were debating the meaning of his words, Jesus became once again aware of that great Presence, and that is what allowed him to relax into the arms of the awaiting angels, who had come to deliver his spirit to God. I know in my heart that the Presence is always there. I may not always feel it at first, but if I reach out to God, I am always met. Not by a loud, booming voice; sometimes not even a still, small voice. But I am always met nonetheless, by a Presence that lets me know that my suffering doesn't happen in a vacuum. God is always there, bearing witness to the great pain and joys of my life, even when it doesn't feel like it.